Skipping through the last door.......

......with a 'Recommendation' for training!

So I very nervously attended my BAP in Ely. What a beautiful place, and with the Cathedral a stone's throw from the retreat house, there was space and time for prayer and reflection.

I had worked myself up into a real state of anxiety, dreading my BAP but I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.

I was with 15 of the most wonderful people I have ever met. We upheld each other throughout it all, cared for each other and patted shoulders and backs whenever needed. It was a privilege to be with them and I hope I meet them again in my ministerial life. It was a profound experience for us all, and we reluctantly left each other with hugs and prayers on the final day.

The week in between coming home and receiving the call from the DDO was as taut as it's said to be. I constantly berated myself for things I said, things I didn't say and things I ought to have said. Despite feeling I had given a good account of myself and some good responses in my interviews, I still dared not to hope for a thumbs up.

The text message came through the following Thursday, congratulating me on being recommended and I yelled at the top of my voice, burst into tears and ran out of the room! My daughters thought something awful had happened - but on seeing the message they too cried and we all hugged each other with joy.

A huge dose of humility came with that text message - huge. The feelings of knowing where I had been going on my journey but not daring to hope that I'd make it; the feelings of doubt I had had in 'owning' my vocation, the feeling of being so humbled and overwhelmed by it, and so undeserving  - had left me in trouble at times; unable to articulate how I was feeling, which would not be a good thing, especially at BAP when you have to be able to do just that.

5 days later, I still feel that it hasn't sunk in yet - it doesn't feel real that I have become an Ordinand in the Church of England, that I will begin ordination training in September, and that, God willing, I am the future Rev. Elaine Wykes. My girls think it's ace, my husband thinks it's ace, everyone I have told think it's ace!

I pray to God that I will be worthy of His calling and that I will serve Him to the best of my ability for the rest of my life.

I haven't come back down to earth yet, and there's currently a flurry of paperwork to be completed, college to contact and accept my place and general ministry details to be sorted out, but whan that's done, I'll be spending some QT with God and going over the last 2/3 years with Him and thanking Him for making me who I am, what I am and what I will be.



Thank you, reader, for having accompanied me on my journey over the last 2 years. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have. It's not been easy but it has been right.

So I'll nip in now and again and keep you updated on my progress in training.

I hope I have helped even one person to make sense of their journey towards ordination - I know I have helped Mike - Baildon Candidate - who commented on my last post. I pray for his path to become clear and for God's will for him to be realised - whatever that may be.

God bless you all and thank you for being there for me - it means more to me than you can ever know.