The Last Door......

It's now February and it's getting very close to my BAP now.

I have been given my date - 22-24 April and I go to Ely.

I really enjoyed my visit to Queen's in Birmingham, I loved the family feel of the place, as many families live and study there, also the ecumenical approach to training, meaning I would not only train alongside Anglican ordinands, but other denominations too.

My meeting with the Bishop went really well. He was so lovely and we had a really good chat about life, my vocation and what God is doing with me.

His report came back to me the same evening; affirming and so warm that it brought me to tears, all the lovely things he said. He also said he didn't have a single doubt that I'm being called to the Priesthood and that as a priest, I could have a 'ministry of significance'.

Therefore, he was pleased to sponsor me to go to BAP.

In November, I became a 'Cursillista'. That is, someone who has been on a Christian pilgrimage on a recognised worldwide course called 'Cursilllo'. It was held at Launde Abbey and was one of the most emotional and wonderfully strong high points of my Christian journey thus far.

The last 2 years exploring my vocation has been all about corners. I've turned so many during this time, both in my understanding of it all, and my personal development in this area. I've had some 'Eureka' moments, I've had many emotional ups and downs, highs and lows. I've cried, I've been incredulous, I've wondered, I've questioned, I've doubted, I've laughed, I've been angry and I've been ecstatic.

But one thing I am certain of, is my calling to ministry. I know why I am walking the earth in the skin that I have, with the personality and character and integrity that I possess. That is because God made me this way with this express purpose in mind.

I have stumbled in some areas, and had trouble understanding certain things but I feel now that I have a decent grasp on everything I will be tested on, although I daren't yet hope for the 'Yes' vote (I don't have the confidence that my peers in ministry have that I will be recommended for training you see, not quite anyway. I'd rather go into it with this mindset, rather than go in swaggering and brimming with confidence - not that that's me though, but you know what I mean)

So now, it's almost time to knock on the last door on this stage of my Christian journey, the door to training and beyond. Every door I have knocked on during the last 2 years on this path have opened for me, and I pray this last door will too.

I've decided to take some time out in the weeks running up to my BAP to go to Launde Abbey - the Diocesan retreat house for some days of reflection, for mental and spiritual preparation and some much needed one to one with God. It'll be precious time indeed and I'm really looking forward to it.

One final thought - and this means so much to me. It speaks about how deeply and intimately God knows us and that no matter where we go or what we do, He is always with us. Even if we try to escape him.

Psalm 139

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
 You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
 You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
 Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
 You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

 Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.