Another round of battering the Amazon account, escaping cats and butterflies.
So I received an email from the Leicester Diocese Director of Ordinands (DDO for short, much less of a mouthful) asking me to go and visit.
The DDO is amongst other things, responsible for thoroughly testing potential Ordination trainees vocations. She will ask many deep and varied questions about me, my faith, my spirituality, my life, my family - everything, in order to gain a clear insight into my reasons and feelings of calling, what my calling means and where it will lead me.
This for me, is where it gets really scary.
Really scary because although I'm completely convinced in myself of my own calling, thoroughly convinced that the most wonderful thing for me is to become a vicar, there is just this niggling doubt in my mind that despite all that, the DDO and eventually the Bishops will take one look at me and say, "Nah, it's not a calling, you're mistaken and even if it was, you're not our type anyway, please go away"
John assures me it doesn't work that way but I just can't help it, every time I think of it I get really bad butterflies!
So I've got a few weeks to ready myself, get things ready in my head, to prepare and hopefully, my first meeting with the DDO on 20th June will go well.
Part of that preparation means I've bought myself yet MORE books! Yes, despite the towel nearly being thrown in by Amazon recently, my account with them got up on wobbly feet, wiped the sweat off its brow and declared itself fit to fight another round.
Delivered this very morning into my eager hands, I've now got some serious reading, research and preparation to do.
And the cat bit? A complete side issue, my old boy cat had a lump removed at the vets recently and had to have a 'lampshade' fitted yesterday to stop him nibbling stitches etc.
Trying not to giggle at the poor boy's discomfort (I'm not a cruel or scornful pet owner, honest, I really do love him!) whilst he was trying to walk around the house, wobbling, bumping into things and walking backwards was a feat, I tell you!
He shot through the open door this morning, a flying leap over next doors fence and he disappeared into the sunshine.
Long story short, a few miles covered going back and forth in the car looking for him, a kindly neighbour caught him and deposited him in my kitchen - aaaaaand RELAX!
Oooo, just thought of a book I might need, what's my password again?
Thursday 26 May 2011
Monday 23 May 2011
What do the children think?
Yeah, whatever....
So obviously the first people I told were Mark and the girls.
My eldest daughter was thrilled, absolutely ecstatic.
"It'll be great having a vicar for a Mum" she told me, "So cool!"
The youngest? A girl of few words, says what she means in 3 words rather than 10 if she can help it.
Her reaction? "Yeah, whatever" She is 7.
My eldest is a very spiritual girl, loves coming to church with me on the rare Sundays that Daddy and my youngest stay at home.
She thinks it's great and apparently so do all her school mates, who now want me to be THEIR mum, 'cos they reckon I'm cool.
As for the OTHER daughter - "Yeah whatever"
Cheers!
So obviously the first people I told were Mark and the girls.
My eldest daughter was thrilled, absolutely ecstatic.
"It'll be great having a vicar for a Mum" she told me, "So cool!"
The youngest? A girl of few words, says what she means in 3 words rather than 10 if she can help it.
Her reaction? "Yeah, whatever" She is 7.
My eldest is a very spiritual girl, loves coming to church with me on the rare Sundays that Daddy and my youngest stay at home.
She thinks it's great and apparently so do all her school mates, who now want me to be THEIR mum, 'cos they reckon I'm cool.
As for the OTHER daughter - "Yeah whatever"
Cheers!
My new role in Church on Sundays and my love affair with Amazon.co.uk
Cosy evenings round at the Vicar's house, Pheasants and Elderflower cordial.
John asked me if I would like to attend a Lent Course in the 6 weeks running up to Easter Sunday. I had no idea what this involved but happily agreed.
It turns out that the Lent Course is a specially structured course studying the Easter message and relevant parts of the Bible relating to this.
The first night I went armed with my Bible (a gift from my friends at Breedon church on the day of my Confirmation), a pot of Daffodils I'd planted as a gift, a notebook and pen and some hesitancy (hesitancy only because I'm a complete beginner as far as knowing the Bible is concerned)
The vicar's wife offered me a glass of Elderflower cordial she'd made herself, YUM!! (I'm making my own as soon as the bush outside my garden is ready) and I was amazed to see a male Pheasant literally hanging off their bird feeder, right outside the kitchen window - what a treat!
The next 5 weeks saw me getting more bold with my interpretations of what parts of the Bible meant, offering up my own suggestions and ideas and by the end of the course, I'd not only gained more confidence in my understanding of the Bible, but I'd also gained some very lovely new friends.
I seem to have the role of the Intercessions reader in church on Sundays now. Briefly Intercessions are a set of prayers you write yourself but which are on behalf of the whole congregation, and are the congregations prayers to God for themselves, the world, the church and those who are suffering. Writing them is no easy task, and I was lucky to find an Intercessions Handbook on Amazon which helps me to write imaginative and interesting Intercessions.
My Amazon account is well and truly battered, let me tell you this.
I now own all sorts of books to help me - Lectionaries, handbooks, prayer books - you name it. Amazon.co.uk must love me!
So now I'm getting better at writing Intercessions and all the little old ladies in church compliment me on them after the service has ended and I'm sucking down a much needed coffee, what a lovely feeling it is!
John asked me if I would like to attend a Lent Course in the 6 weeks running up to Easter Sunday. I had no idea what this involved but happily agreed.
It turns out that the Lent Course is a specially structured course studying the Easter message and relevant parts of the Bible relating to this.
The first night I went armed with my Bible (a gift from my friends at Breedon church on the day of my Confirmation), a pot of Daffodils I'd planted as a gift, a notebook and pen and some hesitancy (hesitancy only because I'm a complete beginner as far as knowing the Bible is concerned)
The vicar's wife offered me a glass of Elderflower cordial she'd made herself, YUM!! (I'm making my own as soon as the bush outside my garden is ready) and I was amazed to see a male Pheasant literally hanging off their bird feeder, right outside the kitchen window - what a treat!
The next 5 weeks saw me getting more bold with my interpretations of what parts of the Bible meant, offering up my own suggestions and ideas and by the end of the course, I'd not only gained more confidence in my understanding of the Bible, but I'd also gained some very lovely new friends.
I seem to have the role of the Intercessions reader in church on Sundays now. Briefly Intercessions are a set of prayers you write yourself but which are on behalf of the whole congregation, and are the congregations prayers to God for themselves, the world, the church and those who are suffering. Writing them is no easy task, and I was lucky to find an Intercessions Handbook on Amazon which helps me to write imaginative and interesting Intercessions.
My Amazon account is well and truly battered, let me tell you this.
I now own all sorts of books to help me - Lectionaries, handbooks, prayer books - you name it. Amazon.co.uk must love me!
So now I'm getting better at writing Intercessions and all the little old ladies in church compliment me on them after the service has ended and I'm sucking down a much needed coffee, what a lovely feeling it is!
After realisation dawned, what happened next?
"So what did you do when you realised what was happening?"
Well, first I had to get it right in my own head. That meant asking myself questions - "IS it ministry?", "If it is, do you WANT to be a vicar?", "Do you realise how your life is going to change?", "Are you prepared for that?".
The answer to all those questions was "Yes". Yes, I think it IS ministry, although what I'm going through at the moment is the Discernment Process. A process designed to test me in every way, and to test my calling in every way, to check whether or not it IS a calling to ministry and not some other area of the church that I hadn't considered, or a complete mistake and not even a calling at all.
If it IS ministry, YES!! I do want to be a vicar, I couldn't think of a more rewarding, spiritually fulfilling and wonderful way of bringing God's word into the world (or at least MY little part of the world)
I know my life WILL change, and have no doubt that in some areas of my life it will be major changes. But if I deny what is in my heart and choose to ignore that voice in my head and let go of that hand I'm holding, I think I will feel lost, and will regret it for the rest of my life.
So yes, I AM prepared for the changes this will bring. Obviously I don't know WHAT those changes will be because they will be many and varied, but I AM prepared to make those sacrifices and changes.
So what did I do next?
I told Mark.
I took a deep breath one night on the sofa and came right out with it. Then I screwed my eyes tightly shut and waited for his reaction.
"I think that's wonderful, darling and if it's what you want to do, I'm behind you all the way, no matter what happens"
I cried.
I really did! The relief was almost palpable, a huge weight lifted from my shoulders and I felt elated, and unbelievably happy. Having the support of your soul mate, your very best friend and partner in life, you can do almost anything. This gave me the courage to tell my family, and sat around the dinner table one Sunday when we were all together, I took a gulp of my wine and said, "I have something to tell you all".
My mum looked over at my sister and mouthed to her, "Wait for it, she wants to be a vicar....."
And so the reactions from all the people I told after that went pretty much the same way, "I think you'd make a GREAT vicar!", "Brill, Elaine, you'd be perfect", "Now that I think of it, you'd make a brill vicar" and so on...
Not one single soul said "You?!! A vicar? You're joking, no way, I just can't see it"
The next step was to tell my own vicar, John, and set the ball officially rolling. John is the parish priest of the church we now attend regularly, St Mary & St Hardulph in Breedon-on-the-Hill, Derbyshire. It is a 12th century former priory in a beautiful setting right on top of a hill and one of the most stunning churches I have ever seen or been into (the floodlighting at night makes it visible for miles around and if ever you are heading north on the M42, look left as you near Castle Donington and you'll see it, it will take your breath away, I never get tired of seeing it as I make my way there on Sundays)
I have honestly never been made to feel more welcome in a church family than this one. Every person there is warm, friendly and welcoming and never once have I been made to feel like an outsider or unwelcome in any way. (I should add at this point that we're not outsiders in that sense, it is our family church on Mark's side of the family, the family has had weddings there, our children have all been baptised there and my in-laws lived in the next village along from Breedon)
John was thrilled when I went round one evening to tell him what I was feeling and has been such a rock of support, there every step of the way. He gave me a leaflet which ironically had come to him in the post that same day, advertising an upcoming Vocations day, exploring callings within the church - aptly named "Called?".
I attended the day and can truly say my appetite was further whetted! I attended workshops on callings to ministry and the Reader programme. I learned all about what is involved, how the Discernment Process develops, what ordination candidates have to go through before they even begin training, who they meet with and what happens to them along the way. I came away thrilled, having a million more questions now in my head but so excited, so wanting to know and do more.
And without a single doubt as to what I wanted to do.
Well, first I had to get it right in my own head. That meant asking myself questions - "IS it ministry?", "If it is, do you WANT to be a vicar?", "Do you realise how your life is going to change?", "Are you prepared for that?".
The answer to all those questions was "Yes". Yes, I think it IS ministry, although what I'm going through at the moment is the Discernment Process. A process designed to test me in every way, and to test my calling in every way, to check whether or not it IS a calling to ministry and not some other area of the church that I hadn't considered, or a complete mistake and not even a calling at all.
If it IS ministry, YES!! I do want to be a vicar, I couldn't think of a more rewarding, spiritually fulfilling and wonderful way of bringing God's word into the world (or at least MY little part of the world)
I know my life WILL change, and have no doubt that in some areas of my life it will be major changes. But if I deny what is in my heart and choose to ignore that voice in my head and let go of that hand I'm holding, I think I will feel lost, and will regret it for the rest of my life.
So yes, I AM prepared for the changes this will bring. Obviously I don't know WHAT those changes will be because they will be many and varied, but I AM prepared to make those sacrifices and changes.
So what did I do next?
I told Mark.
I took a deep breath one night on the sofa and came right out with it. Then I screwed my eyes tightly shut and waited for his reaction.
"I think that's wonderful, darling and if it's what you want to do, I'm behind you all the way, no matter what happens"
I cried.
I really did! The relief was almost palpable, a huge weight lifted from my shoulders and I felt elated, and unbelievably happy. Having the support of your soul mate, your very best friend and partner in life, you can do almost anything. This gave me the courage to tell my family, and sat around the dinner table one Sunday when we were all together, I took a gulp of my wine and said, "I have something to tell you all".
My mum looked over at my sister and mouthed to her, "Wait for it, she wants to be a vicar....."
And so the reactions from all the people I told after that went pretty much the same way, "I think you'd make a GREAT vicar!", "Brill, Elaine, you'd be perfect", "Now that I think of it, you'd make a brill vicar" and so on...
Not one single soul said "You?!! A vicar? You're joking, no way, I just can't see it"
The next step was to tell my own vicar, John, and set the ball officially rolling. John is the parish priest of the church we now attend regularly, St Mary & St Hardulph in Breedon-on-the-Hill, Derbyshire. It is a 12th century former priory in a beautiful setting right on top of a hill and one of the most stunning churches I have ever seen or been into (the floodlighting at night makes it visible for miles around and if ever you are heading north on the M42, look left as you near Castle Donington and you'll see it, it will take your breath away, I never get tired of seeing it as I make my way there on Sundays)
I have honestly never been made to feel more welcome in a church family than this one. Every person there is warm, friendly and welcoming and never once have I been made to feel like an outsider or unwelcome in any way. (I should add at this point that we're not outsiders in that sense, it is our family church on Mark's side of the family, the family has had weddings there, our children have all been baptised there and my in-laws lived in the next village along from Breedon)
John was thrilled when I went round one evening to tell him what I was feeling and has been such a rock of support, there every step of the way. He gave me a leaflet which ironically had come to him in the post that same day, advertising an upcoming Vocations day, exploring callings within the church - aptly named "Called?".
I attended the day and can truly say my appetite was further whetted! I attended workshops on callings to ministry and the Reader programme. I learned all about what is involved, how the Discernment Process develops, what ordination candidates have to go through before they even begin training, who they meet with and what happens to them along the way. I came away thrilled, having a million more questions now in my head but so excited, so wanting to know and do more.
And without a single doubt as to what I wanted to do.
So THAT'S what it is then!
My friends call me the Vicar of Dishley after the area in which I live. It's a joke of course, and they all think they thought of it first! In fact the moniker came courtesy of my husbands best friend Cliff, who I really should credit with the title of my blog! He called me this when I first revealed that I was feeling a strong call into the Church. In fact, they all did.
Let me introduce myself. I'm Elaine, I am very happily married to my lovely husband and we have 2 beautiful daughters.
For a number of years there has been something at the very back of my mind, in relation to God. I've never been able to describe it adequately, but I could consider the feeling to be a hand holding mine, or someone else there with me that I cannot see but who I can feel.
Some years ago, a very close and much loved relation, my Aunty Em, a very faithful and devoted Catholic woman of some 90 or so years told me (after I confessed to her my frustrations and guilt at loving God so much and feeling Him there with me, yet not really going to church on a regular basis), that you don't have to go to church to be faithful to God and Jesus Christ, that God loves me no matter where I go and what I do, and He knows I love Him.
These words set something off in my mind, although I didn't realise it at the time. Maybe they made me listen more closely to something that was being whispered to me, or maybe it was my mind being opened to God saying, "Come on Elaine, take my hand and let's go, see where we end up". She passed away a couple of years ago aged 96, but I dedicate my whole journey to her, she gave me the courage to open my heart and my mind to God and not to be scared to say, "I love God and I know He loves me".
So where I have ended up, 6 or 7 years later is here. Exploring my faith even more deeply, seeing if my path leads to becoming an ordained minister, or more simply a vicar, if that's what He intends for me.
A few months ago, I finally realised where I was being led, and it was onto this path, the one I'm taking now. It wasn't a 'Eureka' type realisation but it WAS a "Oh, is THAT what it is I've been feeling all this time?" moment. And I tell you, when you realise you're being called by God to something, you choose to either ignore the calling or do what I did - take His hand and see where you go....
So, I'll be sharing my journey with you and we can go along together and hopefully my blog might even encourage someone who is struggling with THEIR choice, to find the courage to take God's hand and see where they go.
Let me introduce myself. I'm Elaine, I am very happily married to my lovely husband and we have 2 beautiful daughters.
For a number of years there has been something at the very back of my mind, in relation to God. I've never been able to describe it adequately, but I could consider the feeling to be a hand holding mine, or someone else there with me that I cannot see but who I can feel.
Some years ago, a very close and much loved relation, my Aunty Em, a very faithful and devoted Catholic woman of some 90 or so years told me (after I confessed to her my frustrations and guilt at loving God so much and feeling Him there with me, yet not really going to church on a regular basis), that you don't have to go to church to be faithful to God and Jesus Christ, that God loves me no matter where I go and what I do, and He knows I love Him.
These words set something off in my mind, although I didn't realise it at the time. Maybe they made me listen more closely to something that was being whispered to me, or maybe it was my mind being opened to God saying, "Come on Elaine, take my hand and let's go, see where we end up". She passed away a couple of years ago aged 96, but I dedicate my whole journey to her, she gave me the courage to open my heart and my mind to God and not to be scared to say, "I love God and I know He loves me".
So where I have ended up, 6 or 7 years later is here. Exploring my faith even more deeply, seeing if my path leads to becoming an ordained minister, or more simply a vicar, if that's what He intends for me.
A few months ago, I finally realised where I was being led, and it was onto this path, the one I'm taking now. It wasn't a 'Eureka' type realisation but it WAS a "Oh, is THAT what it is I've been feeling all this time?" moment. And I tell you, when you realise you're being called by God to something, you choose to either ignore the calling or do what I did - take His hand and see where you go....
So, I'll be sharing my journey with you and we can go along together and hopefully my blog might even encourage someone who is struggling with THEIR choice, to find the courage to take God's hand and see where they go.
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