Year 2 - finished already....

....where did that go?

Year 2 has been an incredible year of transformation.

I can honestly say that I am not the person I was 2 years ago when my training began.

Back then, I felt very 'green' in things theological; I was a relatively new Christian, who had been on the worlds fastest and most exhausting roller coaster through Confirmation, discernment, selection and training that at times I felt my feet hadn't touched the ground.

Not much has changed in that regard; my feet still haven't really touched the ground but one thing that has changed is how I feel.

The first year of training was like being a rabbit stuck in headlights - that shock feeling of suddenly being here, still not believing I had been recommended, wondering what the hell God was doing with me ("I am definitely not the kind of person you want, Lord.")

By the end of year 1 however, things had changed in that I had had a sudden and forceful realisation of just why God had called me to ministry and by early 2015 I was starting to feel that I was 'inhabiting' the role of a minister, especially when stood in front of my home congregation. That feeling of 'filling in until the real minister comes along' left me quite abruptly one Sunday, and I suddenly stopped what I was saying and a huge grin came over my face. Needless to say the congregation were slightly confused as to why I was standing there with a stupid smile plastered all over my face, but I had just had a 'God moment'; a moment where God gently and almost unnoticably altered my perception of myself. In that split second, another light bulb had been switched on.

These 'lightbulb' moments now come thick and fast as I suddenly grasp what is being discussed, and using my own style of making sense of them, I file them away in my head for future use, bringing them out again in relevant and contextual discussion.

Developing the critical thinking that is such a vital tool in ministry, which had intimidated me for so long, is beginning to come naturally to me - I find myself thinking laterally; offering up ideas and thoughts in lectures and discussions that surprise me when I hear them coming out of my mouth - is this really me talking?

All of a sudden, I feel more serious in my role as a future priest, more focused on it, more 'in role' in my home churches, a focus as an 'almost vicar' for those around me; neighbours, friends, congregation members etc.

This green, 'hasn't got a clue' woman has been turned gradually into a critical thinking, evangelising, situation analysing Christian minister.

So now that year 2 has ended, I find myself looking forward, rather than down at my feet, in the here and now. Forward to my final year at Vicar School, the one where I'll hear of where I'll serve my Curacy, the year where with  huge gulp I'll order clergy shirts, stoles and robes, and the one where the roller coaster cranks up again and rolls down into ordination, where I get off at the stop marked, 'The Rest of your Ministry' (God willing).