Theological college is great.........

....but I feel a bit out of my depth...







Academically speaking, of course.

Part of my discernment process over the last two years or so has been identifying the type of person I am. Quite often, during that process, I felt a complete and utter failure with no chance of ever being accepted for ordination training, simply because I was and am not a big words and jargon kind of girl (as you may have guessed by now) and I had trouble articulating both myself and my vocation.

In the simplest terms - I recognised that I am a doer, not a thinker - I am practical, rather than academic, and I felt that somehow, this was not a good enough reason to be recommended for ordained ministry.

Maybe NOW you understand the reason for this post title!

Getting to grips with the fact that I HAD to be able to develop myself in academic terms was not easy but I don't think I'll ever be a boffin, I'm not that clever!

So arriving at Theological College - Queen's Foundation in Edgbaston, Birmingham - I felt like the proverbial rabbit caught in headlights. In fact, we all did to some degree, from what I gathered through conversations with my follow students.

The Induction weekend was fab, I really enjoyed finally being at college, being able to call myself an Ordinand (at last!) and feeling the high of beginning my training for ministry and now, a couple of months in, I'm starting to settle nicely into the pattern of weekday evenings and residential weekends and I'm really enjoying my studies.

My tutors are a great bunch of really dedicated people, and my college is diverse, ecumenical, warm and friendly. I've made some great new friends and I believe these relationships will last long after our training is over and we're let loose into the world of ministry.

The course I am studying is a B.A. in Theology.

And this is where the worry and self-doubt comes in again (will I ever change?!) - if it were a case of me training in a practical sense, I think I'd be fine; confident and successful. But because I'm not too academically minded, I'm hoping I'll be able to cope with study at such a high level.

I'm sure I'll be fine. My tutors are very supportive and they recognise the fact that we're all very different in our approach to study and while they know that many of us haven't worked at this level for a long time, if at all, they're ready and waiting to help us get through, whenever we feel we might be struggling.

So my first assignment deadline looms large - I'm working hard at home, researching and building what I hope will be a decent first essay.

What IS good to know though, and this is something that is at the forefront of my mind every single day, is that God will get me there because it's what He has planned for me. There was a time I thought the very same thing about my whole discernment process - i.e. that I wouldn't make it through, and I wouldn't be accepted for Ordination training.

God didn't let me down then - and I know that He won't now. I'm really thankful for that. But let there be no doubt - I am LOVING college, and training for ministry. It's that unshakeable certainty behind the knowledge that I am in the place I am meant to be, doing what I am meant to be doing, training for a life that I'm meant to live - and with that knowledge and the knowledge that God holds me in His hands through all of this, comes a great deal of comfort.

Here's a prayer we used in church last Sunday, and it's one that really spoke to me, I hope it speaks to you also:


Good morning.  I am God.  

Today I will be handling all of your problems.

Please remember that I do not need your help.  

If the devil happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it.  

Kindly put it in the SFJTD (something for Jesus to do) box.  It will be addressed in MY TIME, not yours.

Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold on to it or remove it.  

Holding on or removal will delay the resolution of your problem.

If it is a situation that you think you are capable of handling, please consult me in prayer to be sure that it is the proper resolution.

Because I do not sleep nor do I slumber, there is no need for you to lose any sleep.  

Rest my child.  

If you need to contact me, I am only a prayer away.