......and getting back into the swing of learning.
So now that I've got my college module 'Mission and Ministry in the local church' to get started on, a book by the very brilliant John Pritchard (Bishop of Oxford) 'The life and work of a Priest' to read, a personal portfolio to put together and interviews to conduct with some of the members of the clergy team, I find my brain a bit over full!
No, I should really say my brain is now being WORKED! And worked it definitely is, I need to allocate myself some regular quiet time to focus on beginning my module. I've already got my interview questions sorted, I have arranged to speak to those I'm going to grill about THEIR ministry, and I'm halfway through John Pritchard's book.
This man is a really great writer, he writes in such a way that you identify straight away with what he's trying to say and I really 'get' his book, the life and work of a priest is really becoming more and more clear, and it's definitely an unpredictable and extremely busy life.
He lays it right down on the table so you're in no doubt whatsoever of what is expected of you; what qualities you should have, the multitude of roles you will have or hats you have to wear being a priest. I'm loving what I'm reading and already my book is filled with little pink Post-it strips highlighting parts that I really identify with on a personal level.
There are still days when I doubt myself and my future on this journey although at times when I read other peoples stories about their vocation and read that it was a lifelong dream for them to become a priest and they managed to get there, I actually think there's hope for me. I am aware that now is the time for getting real, getting down to the nitty gritty of exploring my vocation, and this doesn't involve a dreamy scenario where I say how I feel and I'm suddenly welcomed with open arms and have a dog collar shoved round my neck just because I say this is what I want to do (not that I have had a dreamy scenario, I'm just saying)
I have to PROVE myself. But I also have to learn. I have alot to learn, I know this. I wasn't blessed with going to church on Sundays and learning scripture by heart from a young age so that my exploration of my vocation is a walk in the park, in fact it's quite the opposite.
I think this is also why I am going to have to work so much harder to prove myself.
All I know is that I have the gift of communication, I am able to meet people on their wavelength, whatever that may be - and really CONNECT with them.
Take the story of the drunk drug addict in the chemist as an example if you like - I was sitting in the chemists waiting for a presciption and a drunk drug addict comes in and sits down. An old gentleman walks in, and we both stand up to offer him our seats. We then get talking about this sort of thing and before you know it he's telling me about his addiction, that he's drunk because he just came out of court after being sentenced for racial assault, then he begins to share jokes on his mobile phone with me. When it was time to go he stood up, said it had been really nice talking to me and I told him to take care of himself when we said goodbye.
How many people would have maybe moved away when he staggered in? He didn't seem to me to be a bad person inside, just a person who had made bad life choices. I actually felt quite honoured that he shared his story with me.
I'm not being conceited when I say this because I'm not like that, but part of all this is knowing yourself, truly and deeply inside, your skills, your shortcomings, your hopes, your fears and your desires. I know I have the skill of communication and that I'm good at it.
I also have a deep love for Jesus Christ, for God and for the church.
And the reason I think I'm being called to ministry is so that I can use these skills to bring God to people, and people to God.
I passed my friend Becky's house by the other day, and stopped to say Hi. She wasn't there but her husband was and we spent a few minutes chatting. He mentioned that when Becky had first heard about my exploring my vocation she asked him to guess who, out of all her mates wanted to become a vicar and he said straight away - Elaine.
I was pretty amazed at this and asked him if it really was that obvious.
He said, "No, actually it was UNOBVIOUS".
What do you make of that?
