After realisation dawned, what happened next?

"So what did you do when you realised what was happening?"

Well, first I had to get it right in my own head. That meant asking myself questions - "IS it ministry?", "If it is, do you WANT to be a vicar?", "Do you realise how your life is going to change?", "Are you prepared for that?".

The answer to all those questions was "Yes". Yes, I think it IS ministry, although what I'm going through at the moment is the Discernment Process. A process designed to test me in every way, and to test my calling in every way, to check whether or not it IS a calling to ministry and not some other area of the church that I hadn't considered, or a complete mistake and not even a calling at all.

If it IS ministry, YES!! I do want to be a vicar, I couldn't think of a more rewarding, spiritually fulfilling and wonderful way of bringing God's word into the world (or at least MY little part of the world)

I know my life WILL change, and have no doubt that in some areas of my life it will be major changes. But if I deny what is in my heart and choose to ignore that voice in my head and let go of that hand I'm holding, I think I will feel lost, and will regret it for the rest of my life.

So yes, I AM prepared for the changes this will bring. Obviously I don't know WHAT those changes will be because they will be many and varied, but I AM prepared to make those sacrifices and changes.

So what did I do next?

I told Mark.

I took a deep breath one night on the sofa and came right out with it. Then I screwed my eyes tightly shut and waited for his reaction.

"I think that's wonderful, darling and if it's what you want to do, I'm behind you all the way, no matter what happens"

I cried.

I really did! The relief was almost palpable, a huge weight lifted from my shoulders and I felt elated, and unbelievably happy. Having the support of your soul mate, your very best friend and partner in life, you can do almost anything. This gave me the courage to tell my family, and sat around the dinner table one Sunday when we were all together, I took a gulp of my wine and said, "I have something to tell you all".

My mum looked over at my sister and mouthed to her, "Wait for it, she wants to be a vicar....."

And so the reactions from all the people I told after that went pretty much the same way, "I think you'd make a GREAT vicar!", "Brill, Elaine, you'd be perfect", "Now that I think of it, you'd make a brill vicar" and so on...

Not one single soul said "You?!! A vicar? You're joking, no way, I just can't see it"

The next step was to tell my own vicar, John, and set the ball officially rolling. John is the parish priest of the church we now attend regularly, St Mary & St Hardulph in Breedon-on-the-Hill, Derbyshire. It is a 12th century former priory in a beautiful setting right on top of a hill and one of the most stunning churches I have ever seen or been into (the floodlighting at night makes it visible for miles around and if ever you are heading north on the M42, look left as you near Castle Donington and you'll see it, it will take your breath away, I never get tired of seeing it as I make my way there on Sundays) 

I have honestly never been made to feel more welcome in a church family than this one. Every person there is warm, friendly and welcoming and never once have I been made to feel like an outsider or unwelcome in any way. (I should add at this point that we're not outsiders in that sense, it is our family church on Mark's side of the family, the family has had weddings there, our children have all been baptised there and my in-laws lived in the next village along from Breedon)

John was thrilled when I went round one evening to tell him what I was feeling and has been such a rock of support, there every step of the way. He gave me a leaflet which ironically had come to him in the post that same day, advertising an upcoming Vocations day, exploring callings within the church - aptly named "Called?".

I attended the day and can truly say my appetite was further whetted! I attended workshops on callings to ministry and the Reader programme. I learned all about what is involved, how the Discernment Process develops, what ordination candidates have to go through before they even begin training, who they meet with and what happens to them along the way. I came away thrilled, having a million more questions now in my head but so excited, so wanting to know and do more. 

And without a single doubt as to what I wanted to do.